Advice to my younger self.

What would you tell your younger self if you had the chance? Do you think they would have listened?

What would you tell your younger self.

Things I wish I could tell my 23-year-old self. 

Oh, this list could be extensive, but let’s start with some basics.

-Leave him the first time he cheats. Don’t give him another chance to cheat again because he will. He doesn’t respect you or himself enough to communicate to you what’s going on with him. You can’t fix that and it’s not your job to try. Nothing you do will ever be right or good enough to make him change. 

-Learn everything you can about money. How it works. How to grow it. How to invest. How to start a 401K. Learn not to be afraid of it. Figure out how to make it WORK for you. Buy Apple, trust me. Learn how to live within your means and say no to the constant barrage of consumerism you are subjected to. You don’t need another dress or purse. Buy quality stuff and take care of it. 

-Start flossing now and take care of your skin. Wash your face before bed. Wear SUNSCREEN. Build those habits while everything is still where you want it and you won’t have to fight as hard to keep it that way.

-Move your body always. Understand all aspects of physical health, not just the ones you think will make you thin. Yes, get that heart rate up, but also lift those weights, and stretch those muscles. A well-rounded fitness routine is so very important. It will keep you feeling young and alive and let you do all of the things you want to do in this life.

-Practice Gratitude every day. If you can start early to see the good in each day, then when life gets hard it will be second nature to try to find the good in even hard circumstances and it may even keep your head above water when you most need it. Actively seek joy in the smallest of things. Keep that spark of curiosity and wonder at the world that you’ve had since you were little. 

-Be careful with alcohol. While its portrayal is one of celebration, stress relief, and vacation and there will be times when it is fun to imbibe, it’s a slippery slope. You won’t even know why you started drinking. There will be nights you won’t remember and choices you will regret. It doesn’t bring out your best self. Instead, try to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Stop trying to people please and learn how to speak your truth. Alcohol will not be your friend as you get older. Remember that when you drink, your body has to stop digesting any food you’ve eaten to remove the toxins in alcohol so you will eventually start gaining weight you don’t want. 

-Let go of people pleasing. It will crush you under the weight of what you think others want you to be and do and say. And you will realize that you can’t please everyone and there lies the trap. You will chase your tail and exhaust yourself trying, only to still be a disappointment to someone because you are human and are trying to please unhealthy partners or friends or family members. 

-Start therapy sooner rather than later. We all have shit to work through. Full Stop. Even with great parents, there will have been times in your childhood when you heard something said that you took out of context and internalized. There will be times when your parents just didn’t have the patience or the energy or the ardor to confirm that you were in fact the center of the universe and it shook you just a little bit. When your parents get divorced and don’t communicate the situation to you, you make up all kinds of crazy shit in your head and start making bad choices, like people pleasing to try to fix it. 

-Go chase all the big dreams you want. Don’t listen to those who want you to play small to make themselves feel better. Don’t let a man tell you where you can or cannot work because it makes him uncomfortable. Move to that City you’ve always wanted to live in. You can always move back, but you’re never going to want to.

-Travel the world. Go see places you’ve never seen and meet people who don’t look like you. Swim in oceans that are tepid and cerulean and restorative. Stare in awe at sights that pictures cannot do justice to. See them for yourself. The Eiffel Tower, the works of Gaudi in Barcelona, the Tuscany villas, the Ireland emerald hills, the Great Wall of China, the kaleidoscope of color in a Moroccan market, the endless sands of the Sahara. The world is wide and welcoming, go explore it all. 

-Trust yourself. You will be betrayed by people you love, making you question your discernment. In those spaces, there is an opportunity to discover just how resilient you are. You will find that the only person you really have to trust is yourself. Trust yourself to love you enough to walk away. Trust yourself to pick up the pieces when things fall apart. Trust yourself to be more than ok by yourself. Trust yourself to always be the one who truly has your best interest at heart. Trust yourself to know who is good for you and who is not. 

-Try all of the things. Tap Class, Rock Climbing, Piano Lessons, Hand Lettering, French, Photography, Sewing, Graphic Design, Ice Skating, Hip Hop, Creme Brulee Cooking Classes, Shoe Making, Songwriting, Organic Gardening, Hot Air Balloon Rides, Kinesiology, Scuba Diving. If it sparks even the smallest bit of enthusiasm in your heart, then go try it. Never stop being curious or growing. 

-It’s ok to make mistakes. Make the choice to learn something from them but don’t be so paralyzed by the thought of getting it wrong that you never go after anything out of your comfort zone. 

-You deserve to be cherished and listened to and spoken to with respect. You deserve someone who thinks you are amazing because you are. You deserve someone who does what they say they are going to do. A man of his word. You deserve someone who wants to partner with you in this life, together steering the ship through calm and rough waters alike.