Surprise!
Spring wasn't the only thing that showed up on the Vernal Equinox.
Spring brings a new season and cycle.
Surprise! After 92 days, Aunt Flow decided to come for an unexpected visit. I guess the menopause clock starts over. So weird after 3 months and the acceptance of the end of my reproductive years to be confounded by this turn of events. I had no warning signs. No breast tenderness, no cramps, no crabby moods. Well, once I started bleeding, the dull ache in the core of my abdomen came roaring in but it was almost as if it took a premiere physical manifestation for the rest of my body to get in line. I was so suspicious of this turn of events I didn’t believe it would continue the following day. But sure enough, full on flow. Ok then.
None of this really matters outside of my physical health, which means, that I was not anxious about not having had a period for three months that I might somehow be pregnant. Well, there was one three-day stint where I googled how rare it is for a vasectomy to fail after 22 years but Web MD made it pretty clear that my bloated belly was more than likely due to my fondness for sourdough than a proverbial bun in the oven. When you’ve literally had an incredibly regular cycle of 28 days for the last 40 years even the anticipated shift in hormones is cause for confusion and nonsensical internet searches.
My hormone panel confirmed that my estrogen levels were still at normal levels so I guess I’m more surprised that I was surprised by an unexpected cycle. Thank God I still had tampons what with a nationwide shortage and all, or is that all over now? It’s hard to keep up. I am looking forward to not spending that money every month. I guess my question now is, will there be more of these? Or was this just one last hurrah by my ovaries? An encore if you will. I keep hearing Michael Corleone saying…” just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.” I guess I’m back in for now. We’ll see what April brings.
Cycles are comforting. Just like seasons, they mark time in a predictable manner. That was one of the impetuses for my move from California to New York. 72 and sunny 365 days a year is monotonous and I felt like I was losing my sense of time. Seasons are certain. Summer comes in July, it’s hot and humid and sunny and thunderstorms are plentiful and epic. There are lightning bugs that illuminate and twinkle in the evening twilight. Farmer’s Markets explode with fruitful bounty. Sundresses, sandals, and straw hats abound to combat the stifling heat. And just when you think you can’t take it anymore, a crisp fall day whispers of changes to come. It may just be a tease, but it’s enough to remind you that fall is on its way, with its layers and kaleidoscope of foliage, and hints of wood smoke wafting on the breeze. While some New Yorkers would be pleased if either Fall or Spring took up permanent residence, those people should just move to California. Winter has its own charm. Yes, the wind bites through woolen layers and chaps lips, but the cool grey light cloaks everything in soft forgiving luminance. Ice skating becomes the workout of choice and hot toddies warm you from the inside out. Even undressed trees create a disparate silhouette against silver skies. And then the eternal charm of spring explodes onto the scene and we are all reminded once again that “the winter of our discontent”, with its slushy puddles and freezing temperatures is ephemeral. Seasons are symbolic of life in general, always changing.
With this last hurrah or multiple going away parties, time will tell, I’m inspired to dive deep into my cycle and learn all the intricacies that I’ve ignored all of these years. So if I’m on Day 3 I am in the Follicular Phase. That sounds like Greek to me. This whole experience is making me feel illiterate about my own body and on so many other levels I have always been very in tune with what my body is doing. I know when a small tickle in my throat is allergies or the makings of sinusitis or bronchitis. I know when a twinge in my knee/foot/hip is a sign that I need to up my stretching or take a few days off. I’ve been in this body for 53 years and I get all of its idiosyncrasies. But this whole cycle journey has me out of sorts on so many levels. I feel like I’m studying for a test and the information has me confused and unsure of myself.
What does Follicular Stage mean and how does it affect me? What does Luteal Stage mean and how does that affect me? Not just physiologically but emotionally, creatively, in my communication and productivity? I have always loved learning and this just feels like one big lesson to me. Learning new things about my body I probably should have learned long ago but I am also not about “Shoulds” so here we are. The Follicular Stage, for those learning along with me, begins on the first day of your period and ends when you ovulate. Obviously this is going to get a little tricky once perimenopause begins and things aren’t as regular as they may have been in the past. Once the egg is released we move into the Luteal Stage and that follicle becomes a gland that now produces hormones that thicken and ready the uterus to prepare it for possible pregnancy. No danger of that in this barn! Now that we’ve got the basics of the physical action, what does that mean for other aspects of our life?
Wouldn’t it be great to understand this every month and work with it versus just white knuckling it through days when your energy flags. In our hustle culture, the idea of taking a day or two to be kind to our bodies is so foreign and if you even whisper that it’s female related, it’s often seen as weak. Have you seen child birth? Women are ANYTHING but weak. We are passionate and energetic and tenacious and stalwart and forcible. But that is not all we are. We are soft and sensuous and gentle and nurturing and magnificent in our beauty. I personally love the dichotomy of being a woman. I flourish when I embrace both the soft and strong sides of my being. When I’m running or lifting heavy weights at the gym or helping a friend or loved one through a hard time or drilling holes to hang shelves in my apartment I feel capable and strong, but that can’t be me all of the time. I also love the parts of me that crave yoga and flowers and skincare and color and journaling. It just never occurred to me that there were cycles of the month where some of those traits would come more naturally and I could harness them to be more fully who I am. But with bio-hacking being all the rage these days, I’m diving deep into capturing the best of each day.
Being smack dab in the middle of the Follicular Stage, the time is right for setting intentions and goals, creating vision boards for the next month and learning something new. Well that worked out well didn’t it. Learning about my cycle right at the beginning of my cycle when learning is a high priority. I am already acing this whole new intentional living thing. Yay me. Now to just be cognizant and prepared for the next phases so I can capitalize on them. When Ovulation hits, apparently I will be ready for higher impact training, being social and having passionate sex. It’s a time to feel feminine, sexy and vibrant. Scott is going to love this. Moving into the Luteal Phase I get to practice self care and speak clearly about my boundaries. I mean that should be all the time shouldn’t it? Moving closer to your period when your uterus is heavy, it makes sense to ease off the high impact workouts and do more stretching, yoga and walking. Spending more time nesting and taking life at a slower pace. Who knows if another period will materialize next month but since I’m in the setting intentions phase, I’m going to set intentions to make the most of this months cycles.
