Let’s Talk Worry
Worry is a tricky state of being. By definition worry is giving way to anxiety or unease, allowing one’s mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles. Haven’t we all been prone to that at some point in our lives? I remember being a champion worrier when I was younger. So much so that I developed migraines in high school that continued into college. The stress of attempting to appear perfect was crushing and the fear of that facade crumbling gave way to great unease. Not to say there weren’t real things to worry about as a young adult, like making enough money to pay bills, and studying hard enough to get good grades but the dwelling I think is the dangerous part. Dwelling turns problems to be solved into massive, scary insurmountable obstacles. Worry makes it hard to see the solutions and the steps needed to move forward.
I was the queen of making things far worse in my head than they might be in actuality. I don’t know whether it is living a few years and slogging through more than my share of life challenges but at some point, I came to the realization that worry didn’t have to be the driving force of my emotions. I have survived everything life has thrown at me so far. I can’t even say it was conscious but I believe now that I can get through anything. It might not be pretty and there might be tears and anger and frustration but life just keeps on going. There is an influencer I follow who’s mantra is “prepared not scared” and I whole heartedly agree. Preparation makes things far less scary. We won’t always get everything right but the more we can think ahead and make choices while in a state of calm, the better off we will be when the proverbial shit hits the fan.
I do think the older you get the more tools you have in your tool box to handle unexpected life events. Ideally you have insurance and/or an emergency fund to help with medical issues….hello Waldorf, or you know Pandemics. Ideally you learn a few things from breakups and have better communication skills in future relationships and you can relax into being your true self, trusting that you and your partner will choose to grow together and you won’t have to worry about breaking up. It could still happen but you also learn that you can survive it so worry isn’t a factor.
I’ve used a couple tools over the years to combat worry when it does sneak up on me. First is playing the scenario down the river. Take it to it’s worst possible conclusion in my mind. Generally worry gets caught in the immediate and swirls round and round but if I let it play out, I realize that what I think could happen is often highly unlikely. It helps me to do this because my rational minds usually kicks in with solutions on the way and I see that the worst case is all in my head. My favorite tool for getting rid of worry is exercise. That has been a Godsend for me. Moving my body helps move anxious thoughts out and the breathing helps calm my system so I can think. Speaking of God, prayer works wonders for worry. I’ve had such a sense of peace wash over me when I give my worries to God in prayer. It’s not that problems disappear thanks to some magic fairy but just like in exercise it makes you focus on the here and now and your brain can slow down long enough to seek solutions. Another good tool which I haven’t used but I am intrigued to try is the 333 which involves observing three things you can see, three things you can hear, and three things you can move or touch. It is a grounding technique — a coping skill to manage intense emotions by steering the mind away from anxiety and toward the present moment.
How has worry shown up in your life? Have you found a way to grab the tiger by the tail and put it back in it’s cage? I’d love to hear your tips and tricks. We all can use a bigger tool box.
